That's what she said.. about you

I returned to work on the FW 2013 collection today. I realize that I need proper fabrics and embellishments for these pieces. I need to plan a trip. I start making lists on sticky notes.

I am filling in the 30th specification sheet for the day when I look up and make a really angry face. I grab my phone and send Ernest a message. "You suck. Call me back, you stupid bitch."
Yes, this is the manner in which I address my dearest friends, coworkers, and business partners. You can ask any of them, they know. I am soft-spoken, but completely belligerent. I'm not sure why or how this came to be. I've been like this, as far back as I can remember.. Hmm..

When I am distracted by meandering thoughts or feel like I'm dwelling too much on some specific memory, I write. I keep a hidden journal, where I vent all that uncertainty and introspection. It doesn't always make sense, but neither does my pattern of thought. A lot of it is esoteric.
As I've been told, I have an artistic temperament. I think sometimes that immense power of observation - it makes too much noise in my head.

5 weeks ago, while on the subject of purposeful recklessness, I said, "I think sometimes, when you hold back - if you don't just go for it - you miss out."
You miss every shot you don't take.
Which is why I am the incomprehensibly persistent ass that I am. Its why I am loyal to a fault. And why if I fall short or fail, I get back up and try again. And again.

Noblesse oblige

Today while driving I saw a homeless man begging, pacing the streets at red lights. I've seen him there for several weeks now. I can't read the sign he is holding, and I don't even try.
He smells, he is dirty, and he has a shopping cart of blankets in the nearby parking lot - so he is legitimately a bum.

Today, I gave him a dollar. I waved my hand out the window, and he approached. My light had turned green, and I was inching forward. I held on to the money tightly until he grabbed for it. His hand touched mine, and I nearly let go, but I didn't.
He said, "God bless you."
And I held on, until I had his attention.
I said, "This has absolutely nothing to do with God." And then I let it go. I drove away.

Seriously, get up off your ass and do something. Don't wait for money and happiness to rain down from the skies. Don't wait for a miracle.