alice789: (blush)
Sometimes I feel like I take a few steps forward only to be knocked back. Perhaps fate or the universe strikes us down on occasion just to put the good in perspective. To make us truly grateful for those peaceful days.
Despite this, I've never been happier. I've also never been so insanely busy. My pretty queenly ambition knows no bounds.
I am the whirlwind.

Everything around me ages. I feel like I am standing still while the flood of time rushes around me.
I stare up at the stars. Goodnight, my love.
I whisper against his neck sometimes, while he is sleeping. He smiles, even when he's not awake. I think he knows how precious he is to me. Its been one year and four months.
alice789: (windy)
I feel something so right, doing the wrong thing.

I have great tolerance for the weaknesses and foibles to which all mankind is heir.
To a fault.
We are all only human. Which is why I can smile when I talk about being jilted - and say, I'm happy that we met - that he inspired me to change for the better, and I am grateful.
I'm grateful for what we did have, though it may not have been much.
Which is why I can smile, genuinely.
Thank you, my love. I will make better mistakes tomorrow.

CARPENTER: "The artists HATE the teeterboard, they are demanding that we fix it."
CARPENTER 2: "There's nothing wrong with the damn teeterboard."
ME: "Well, why don't you put it back out there, and JUST SAY THAT YOU FIXED IT."

Wednesday, I worked all day at RSD, took the boys to see Mystère, and then went to the Zumanity 10 year anniversary after party at LIGHT. I danced with most of the cast, which was ridiculous. I got an hour of sleep, woke up and drove to orientation and staff meetings at Aria the next morning.

I was at Bite of Vegas for 16 hours yesterday (working). Cirque was one of the main sponsors, with huge banners on the main stage. They misspelled our name on the website. I had an all access pass so that I could go backstage and bother the artists (OneRepublic mostly). I ate cotton candy. I played on the swings and rode the spinning wheel of death. I got a sunburn too.

A dozen people texted me out of the blue, and I joked that it was surely a sign of the apocalypse.

I clap, I dance, I cheer. I am a bright ray of sunshine.
I am lonely, I am tired, and I will miss you forever.
alice789: (Default)
So I'm often walking through the casino on the way to work, and tourists/random people are looking at my uniform with the Cirque du Soleil crest, and my badge.
One of the most common questions I get:
"What do you do for Cirque?"
And my most common answer (with a very serious expression):
"I'm a Snake Charmer."

Or earlier today, "So, what do you do in the uhh.. Circus de.. Soil?"
"Hmm? I'm the Bearded Lady."

No, I don't do flips, the splits, climb walls, or fly.
You won't see me in the performance (I wear black so that I DON'T show up). But I work, very very hard.
Sometimes when I get home, I fall asleep sitting up on the couch, and I drool all over myself.

And you know what? I couldn't be happier.
alice789: (Default)
"Hey, wanna make out?" "Oh shit, I mean hang out?!" "I uhh.. made this weird, didn't I?"

I don't want to write about professional things. So I won't.

I ran into some old friends from high school while walking around at First Friday.
"This girl here, she's like a vampire or some shit. FUCK. She never fucking ages. What's it been, 15 years? You look EXACTLY the same."
"Nooo.. I changed my hair." (I point to it, to emphasize)
"Seriously, what the fuck. You look the same every time I see you."

Ahhh.. damn, I've been found out. Time to move north, perhaps to Seattle or Forks.
Oh wait, but there's not enough goddamn glitter.

Still doing what I do. Nothing much has changed the last few months.
But I guess that's normal, since I'm an immortal undead creature of the night.

Still a better love story than Twilight.
alice789: (Default)
My thoughts have been quiet recently. Its the sound of walking on dry leaves. Its kismet.

There's this running joke, that when I'm asked a question, I answer No - especially when its inappropriate.
"What are you drinking?" "No."
"What's your name?" "No."
My friends send me messages like "What are you up to?" and I reply with No. They seem to think its funny.

I'm a private person, so I am also fond of telling preposterous lies.
"What do you do?" "I'm a Princess."
"Where do you live?" "In a castle."

I go out alone sometimes, because I don't want to go home. I have a single drink and sit by the stone fireplace with my legs curled up in front of me.
When the dj starts, I get up and dance alone. I close my eyes and feel the music. It drowns out everything and everyone. Its a small sort of happiness.
I don't talk to anyone if I can help it, unless one of my childhood friends find me. (its happened a few times, its a small world)
It actually really offends me when guys approach me - I'm not there to meet men at a bar. How fucking dare they hit on me. I'm a lot meaner than I look.
I go home alone. I like being alone.
Being alone is better than being with the wrong person.

alice789: (kicking ass)
I returned to work on the FW 2013 collection today. I realize that I need proper fabrics and embellishments for these pieces. I need to plan a trip. I start making lists on sticky notes.

I am filling in the 30th specification sheet for the day when I look up and make a really angry face. I grab my phone and send Ernest a message. "You suck. Call me back, you stupid bitch."
Yes, this is the manner in which I address my dearest friends, coworkers, and business partners. You can ask any of them, they know. I am soft-spoken, but completely belligerent. I'm not sure why or how this came to be. I've been like this, as far back as I can remember.. Hmm..

When I am distracted by meandering thoughts or feel like I'm dwelling too much on some specific memory, I write. I keep a hidden journal, where I vent all that uncertainty and introspection. It doesn't always make sense, but neither does my pattern of thought. A lot of it is esoteric.
As I've been told, I have an artistic temperament. I think sometimes that immense power of observation - it makes too much noise in my head.

5 weeks ago, while on the subject of purposeful recklessness, I said, "I think sometimes, when you hold back - if you don't just go for it - you miss out."
You miss every shot you don't take.
Which is why I am the incomprehensibly persistent ass that I am. Its why I am loyal to a fault. And why if I fall short or fail, I get back up and try again. And again.
alice789: (loveless)
Recently, I stay logged into messenger on Facebook all day everyday. I hardly ever chat with anyone on there. I just like to watch everyone else log in and out. I watch people come and go. I can see when is the last time they were active on FB. And the ticker shows me what they do.
Kinda like people watching, only way more passive and way more creepy.

* grins *
alice789: (Default)
Fabric Shopping *** What I'm working on today.

This has been my life for the last few weeks. I have a pretty vicious TO DO list to finish this month if I want to be on schedule for world domination in 2 years.
alice789: (Goldfrapp)
Oh and hey, don't look directly at the sun.
Do as I say, not as I do!

Good Morning Sunshine!
[The sunrise, as seen from my doorstep]
alice789: (for great justice)
A few of my favourite things.

alice789: (kicking ass)
Posted 31 July 2011:
"Who is awesome enough to get thrown out of a bar at their highschool reunion for being too drunk? ME!"

Overall, it was a great night (until I got thrown out). I wore school colours, teal and silver - go LVA! Woo! I got free drinks (my friend Tiffany knocked me in to the pool, seriously, who actually does that?). And I got to see lots of old childhood friends and acquaintances.
Dorky Dave drank till he dropped, literally, he totally fell out of his chair.
And the photographers enjoyed taking pictures of me dancing and acting a fool. A miserable wet fool - thanks Tiffany!
Everyone was amazed at how I hadn't changed at all since school. Which I have to admit, was the most perfect reunion I could have imagined.

Today, I'm going to spend the day packing and preparing to leave the city that I have lived in 2/3 of my life. I'm sorting all my belongings in to two piles - TAKE and GIVE AWAY. Its heartbreaking, but at the same time, exulting. I feel relieved and elated to be rid of material belongings, to move on with a chance at a clean slate, and a fresh start.
I have often found myself saying to other people who had cried at me about losing their phone, breaking their computers, ripping their new pants, etcetera, "They are just things."

I'm excited for this leap to an overbearingly religious city, with a stinking cesspool of a lake (see previous post). No, I really mean it.
I recently read an interview of a SLC fashion designer, "I don’t have to wear couture. I don’t have to have the latest. I’m not superficial about it. What I love is the artistry of it. Clothing is just what people put on their bodies to keep from being naked, to keep their butts from scraping on rocks when they sit down…but fashion is what you have to say about it, expressively and responsively."
Most fashion falls in to two base categories: utility (cover, modesty, or protection from elements), and for identity (uniforms and corporate apparel). The third is beauty (something with no purpose other than vanity), and sadly, not as popular.
What really tickled me - "I took my mom’s square dancing petticoat, sewed giant sequins all over it, and wore it to school once. I think the kids told me it was the “devil’s clothes”."
Check out her store here: Haus of Mirth or drop by Unhinged, 1121 E. 2100 S in Sugarhouse (free parking in back).
alice789: (artistic)
Hey there Papa, its been several months. I didn't forget, I just needed time.
I would post a picture of you, but I have none that I can find.
Mom never did forgive you, but I did, I just never got a chance to tell you.

Rest in peace, Papa.
You taught me that the heart wants what it wants. That children are your legacy, and the life you give them continues, even after you are gone.
And I agree, that maybe we all are born a few hundred years too late. That waking up at sunrise makes you feel alive. And that eating spicy food or drinking liquor "will put hair on your chest".

May 2014


Most Popular Tags

About Me:

New friends and/or lurkers are always welcome. ❤

I grew up in Coronado, California, and the ocean is something I truly miss. I love perfumes, flowers, pastels and muted colours. I love to watch anime, play games, read books, eat sweets, and drink ice cream floats.
Despite liking really girly things, I don't consider myself an exceptionally girly person.
I get a huge boner for Baroque music.

If you have a request or question, send me a message, or comment on any post.


RSS Atom